Sisterly Bonding and Photoshoots! 6/08/17

 

Here we are, another week has gone by and I have to say it has been a lot better than last week. I’ve had a pretty positive, anxiety free week and it has been a breath of fresh air. I’ve had company for most of the week as well which has been nice. I love having people come and stay with me cause it actually forces me to do stuff instead of sitting staring at my MacBook doing all sorts of admin work. I haven’t really done anything totally interesting this week;

Monday

Another trip to mothers was on the cards today,  me and Stewart drove up a lot later than usual and ended up having tea. I went back up in mums attic which is one of my favourite things to do. I came home with some of mum’s old clothes and old computers hoping to retrieve some old photographs but unfortunately, the computers were all wiped blank, but Stewart has decided to make his own computer now out of a ps2. Which isn’t nerdy at all. Before we went home, we all went for a drive so Andrew could show us his skills and honestly, he’s picking up driving really quickly and is already better at it than me, we won’t tell him that though because his head is already as big as the moon.

Tuesday

Because Nikki came home with us on Monday we dedicated Tuesday to colouring her hair from black to a much lighter colour. Nobody should ever dye their hair black if they’re going to be likely to want to change it without spending a lot of time and money on it in salons because it is a bitch of a colour to remove from hair. However, 7hours and 20 mins down and there is no trace of black or even brown in her hair. I think she is very happy with it now which is the main thing.

 

Wednesday

Me and Nicola decided we were going to play in the studio today and do some photographs. We decided to showcase her new hair and do a unicorn inspired shoot. It’s been a while since I was able to get creative with makeup and these kinds of fantasy inspired shoots are fun for everybody involved because they are so easy going and laid back and honestly can create some proper laugh out loud moments. You can see some of the photographs from this shoot here.

Thursday

Mum picked me and Nic up today and we spent the day in Gainsborough. We didn’t really do much, just chilled, did some shopping, ate some chips and then went home again. It was a good way to kill a massive part of the day meaning I didn’t have to find something for me and Nic to do because it’s hard enough finding something for yourself to do let alone another person as well. When we got home from mums we sat down for an hour and a half painting some rocks; pics below.

I had some a4 playing cards delivered and They’re so much fun to play with. I have a bit of a thing for playing cards at the moment, I’ve seen A3 size on the internet and they are next on my purchase list.

Friday

I woke up with a cold brewing, but that didn’t stop me having the time of my life in the garden with Nik. We decided to trial run the water slide in my back garden. It would work a hell of a lot better with less wind and fewer dogs running in front of you every 5 minutes. We added some bubble bath into the lazy spa and basically, acted like kids for a good majority of the day and basically just made the most of the sunshine. The day ended with us playing cards until midnight, laughing hysterically at nothing. Who knew playing cards could give you so much fun and laughter.

Saturday

Another day consisting of not a lot. We took Nik home today and spent some time catching up with mum yet again, I might as well move back in, haha! As soon as I got home I decided to move around the bunnies room and make it a bit more cosy and fun for them to live in. They’re all finally getting on together, Olive is the most dominant, she rules the whole house. I love sitting in the room with all my bunnies. They’re such happy little hoppers that love cuddles and attention.

Sunday

Today we (Me and Stewart) went to Nottingham, mainly to take photographs but we found ourselves checking out what shops there was on offer. We didn’t take as much photography as we would have liked I don’t think, I got a good handful but Stewart got 6 blurry ones so he says.  I will upload my pictures in a separate post – but here is a preview.

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I hope you all have had a lovely week. I have and I plan on doing some extremely fun stuff this next coming week.

Stay happy and healthy folks,

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Different Weekly Update: Anxiety Chat.

I’ve re-wrote this post so many times before actually posting it out there for everyone to read because I’ve decided to speak out about some personal struggles within my own anxiety experiences. Because I literally have nothing to report to you about my week I’ve decided to do a bit of a chatty post to accompany it.

Anxiety, we all know how misunderstood this illness is and most of the time it comes paired with depression. Both of which I am a sufferer of.  Admittedly I feel as though when I write about my own mental health issues that people do not take it seriously and not only that they see me as a weak human being and this doesn’t apply to everybody who reads my blog or listens to me when I speak to them about it, but sometimes I feel like I am being totally misunderstood and there’s always that underlying feeling that you feel like people are judging you or think you’re lying about it.

I’m going to seriously get pretty deep about my anxiety and depression in this post so warning to anybody who may want to stop reading now.

Before I was put on antidepressants I was in a really bad way. My thoughts were so morbid constantly. I used to picture myself hanging off every tree we drove past in the car. I would sit there in the bath at night and I would wonder if people would actually care if I never came out the bathroom alive. I would constantly visualise people dying in car accidents every time I knew someone was driving somewhere. I was terrified that the people close to me were going to die in a car accident as soon as they got in the car and I wouldn’t rest until I knew they were home or at a destination safe.

I thought these thoughts were completely normal,  I was adamant that the way I was, was literally just me and the way I had to live the rest of my life. I thought that if I went to the doctors about it, they wouldn’t believe how I really felt and just send me off on my way without any help, since being on anti-depressants in January it soon became a shock and a relief when these thoughts stopped and I actually started to relax and enjoy life and feel a lot happier about things. I no longer have any of the issues above. I am completely and utterly content with how my life is.

Don’t get me wrong I still have underlying issues like being able to travel on my own, speaking on a telephone or even driving. For some reason, these seem to have much more underlying issues to them that the tablets didn’t make go away and they’re something I am dealing with as every day goes by.

This week has been a tough one because I have had an anxiety filled week and even now I am flooded with feelings of anxiousness. I get these flare ups occasionally and have done for the past few months. I have days where I would not eat either that or I eat so much that I’d be sat up all night feeling sick and have the worst heartburn I also have days where I isolate myself from everybody because I have so much going on in my mind that I need to take a day or two to calm down my mind.

I’ve been considering going back to the doctors but have currently just written how I’ve been off due to surrounding circumstances because when I was finally able to let go of any negative feelings then I found myself feeling a lot better. But this week I was faced with a hard decision on whether or not I wanted to go over everything I had forgotten about again. I found myself getting so worked up over the concept of it that I was getting chest pain, bad asthma attacks and a mass loss of appetite every day and I knew this wasn’t good nor healthy and something had to be done to stop this. Unfortunately without going into detail, what was offered to be done wasn’t good enough. Even explaining that mentally I cannot go through with something, that was not an excuse.

The most hurtful part of the whole situation I am being very cryptic about is that I feel like my mental health is not considered as important and anybody’s mental health should be taken 100% seriously. Mental health kills people and makes people extremely poorly.  Why do people not consider this?

I just think anxiety, depression and any other mental health issue should be taken very seriously and people should consider this more regarding situations. Just because they don’t suffer from it or experience it on a day to day basis doesn’t mean it is not there and that people do not suffer from it.

Because of how much of an emotional roller coaster this week has been I honestly can’t remember what I did yesterday without stressing out over not being able to remember so I’m not going to go into a mass detail about how boring it has been.

So, how am I going to move on from this? I’ve done all I can offer and now I need to accept that and stop overthinking situations I cannot control. I’ve done my part and that’s all I can do now. I cannot control how other people want to approach or take on a situation and I won’t allow that to make me feel as though I have made the wrong decision. My mental health is the most important thing to keeping myself fit and healthy, in the mind and physically.

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Appreciation post / The End Of Year Show

Happy weekend people!

Initially, this post was supposed to go up last night however, I went on a bit of a downer and decided that once I got home I was going to sit in bed and eat Nutella pancakes.

Last night was the end of year show at college, basically, it gives us a chance to showcase our work to friends and family and our friends, friends and family.

It’s events like this when you see who really cares about you and what it is you’re doing. I had such an amazing support system Friday evening considering the previous 24 hours was a complete emotional rollercoaster and Friday morning I was an emotional mess.
I just want to say thank you to everybody that came to see my work. I’ve had a gruelling year and I say it with complete honesty when I say that my final picture was made with blood sweat and tears. There were many times I sat there and was adamant I was quitting and not doing it anymore.

Thank you, mum and nan, for carting me around to the far away destinations for me to get the material I needed. You two are actual gems and I couldn’t have done any of this without the both of you and your support.

Thank you to Stewart’s family, Alison, Matt and Becky for coming to see my work last night. You guys have no idea how much it meant to me that you came.

Thank you, Mum, Gaz, Andrew, Nikki, Jordan, Thomas, Eli, Lucy, Nan, Grandad for all driving down from Gainsborough for such a short visit. I know I did you all proud, won’t let me not know otherwise.  – I haven’t forgotten you Ryan, thank you so much for driving all the way from Doncaster to come and see my work. It means the absolute world to me. I couldn’t honestly ask for a better support system. You’re all amazing and you made sure you were there for me and that means more than anything in the world.

Thank you to Stewart coming and for putting up with my paddy’s over my work and being the rock I needed throughout everything and current situations.

And thank you so much for the beautiful necklace. You guys know me so well. I cannot wait to graduate and make you all even prouder.

These situations speak 1000 words. 

I love you all.

 

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23 June 2017

It’s that time of the week, It’s starting to feel officially like summer!

I am starting to wonder whether or not these are too often for my ‘not so busy’ lifestyle. However, I have had a pretty fun week if I am completely honest. It’s been a week full of sunshine and fun.

As you know, last Friday my brother, sister and her partner were coming to stay with me for the night for some drinks and PlayStation fun. Well it turned out to be just as fun as I expected and honestly, the funniest part for me was bumping into my brother trying to convince himself he wasn’t drunk by placing one foot in front of the other and attempting to walk in a straight line, Oh and the fact it started to get hysterically funny when Andrew decided to respond to everyone with a very stern and high pitched ”EY” everytime someone said a word to him.

We have been completely blessed with the weather this week. I already have a pretty impressive tan, however, due to my eczema, my tan goes all patchy and horrible and honestly, I may have well fake tanned cause I get the same effect. Anywho, The week started off by having the best water fight with my brother (Andrew) and Sister (Lucy).

On Monday, Me and Lucy decided to buy some oversized syringes and have a water fight with them, it was stupidly hot outside so we decided to take full advantage of that and have some proper ‘summer holiday’s fun’ (I know it’s not technically the summer holiday’s yet but it is for us college peeps!)

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It was honestly, a blast.  I’ve spent a lot of time at mums this week. It’s such a happy environment to be in. You can 100% be yourself at mum’s, be an idiot, banter with your brothers and sisters, act like a child, I honestly love it. I am completely care free, surrounded by unconditional love, no judgement and no animosity.

We had to take Olive to the vet’s to be spayed this week, She’s come into her maturity as a woman and well, she took a bit of a disliking to Alfie and starting attaching herself to him by her teeth. Safe to say I think she might calm down now once those hormones leave her system. I hope so anyway. Her and Alfie always got on so well.

Aside’s from that I’ve been feeling pretty crappy towards the end of the week, All the fun at mums for 3 days took it out of me and I’ve been a complete walking zombie for the past two days, even writing this I have matchsticks in my eyes keeping them open. I haven’t ever felt so tired before in my life.

I think it’s safe to say though that It’s time to start hitting the diet and gym again, from the above pictures I can see a bit of a podge starting to make a reappearance in my shorts and this is not good; I did so well but because I have been struggling over the last couple of months I’ve now got myself into a bad eating and lazy routine and I am telling myself now this is not good enough! If the kickstart on the healthy living doesn’t work I might have to see myself going to the doctors.

Here are some of my iPhone pictures from the week, a PROPER childhood ice-cream, a beautiful sunset and just some of the things I am blessed with in life.

 

 

I am sending lots of love and hugs out today just in case you’re feeling as crappy as I do and you need that cyber uplift. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a weekend full of fun and happiness.

 

All my love, cyber sweeties!

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